DISCLAIMER: For those that read this post need to be aware that this contains topics that may be triggering.
It was January 2015 the year I got diagnosed with (BPD) Borderline personality disorder, Depression and Anxiety. For those that don’t know what BPD is it’s where I struggle with the following…
- worried about people abandoning you.
- Very intense emotions such as feeling happy to angry, upset within a few hours/seconds.
- Don’t have a strong sense of who you
- Find it hard to make and keep stable relationships.
- Acting impulsively such as binge eating.
- Suicidal thoughts or behaviour.
- Feeling empty and alone.
This came after so many years of keeping a secret, If you have read my post To My Younger Self. then you will know that I was sexually assaulted this came to my families attention that what I was doing E.G cutting myself because I felt like I deserved it, how I was reacting wasn’t acceptable nor like me.
It got the point where I was ordered to move back in with my parents as I tried to take my own life this was by ‘overdose’. Since then I have got help such as medical and counselling although that did not make a difference other than wound me up as I had to keep going over the assault. “As if flashbacks weren’t enough”.
Since the help from what was my mental health support worker it worked for as long as a year and after that year I came off of that website as I consider myself strong enough, as for the self harming I have managed to go three years now without having one scratch on me and I am glad that I can finally say that I am strong enough, as for the medication I am still on now and I don’t think I will ever be able to come off of because when I do I become destructive and angry but going back to my mental health support worker she gave me a website where I could go and vent, The website is only open to those who suffer with mental health illnesses so everyone on that website is in the same position as you and honestly it felt so good to be able to write down how I felt at that time without worrying if my family would see it, friends would see it, people who think I am attention seeking.
Anyway as I was saying just because you have a mental health illness that doesn’t make you any less of a person than what you are now.
Here below is the website I mentioned earlier aswell as some other websites/contacts if you are in need of help.
If anyone else knows of any websites then feel free to post below in the comments 🙂