I’m writing this letter for everyone to see but also one person in particular for when he is older and that would be my baby Jake (who is not a baby anymore, Sad Face).
So here it goes I guess…
To my baby Jake as you’re growing bigger my heart is growing bigger for you not a day goes by that I don’t think of you even when I’m sleeping I’m still probably dreaming of that infectious smile because I just cant get enough of it.
From the day I found out I was pregnant I knew you was going to be my world and much more. From the kicks in my tummy, feeling your heartbeat on my chest and now seeing that cheesy grin right in front of me I knew that you was going to my one and only and that will NEVER change no matter what the future holds.
Hopefully in the future you will get the family you want and deserve, you will have a person in your life that you can call ‘Dad’ and I’d like to think that you will have a brother or sister might not be blood but it wouldn’t matter to me as long you’re okay with it that’s all that matters. I am so sorry for the heartache that you will have to go through wondering if you did anything wrong because ‘daddy’ didn’t want to stick around, But you didn’t do anything wrong ‘daddy’ just didn’t want to own up to his responsibilities where as you will grow up to be a much better man because you’re being raised by me ‘Durrr’.
Writing this is the most painful thing to write as you don’t have what most people have and that’s a dad. Everyday I wake up scared because when you’re older I don’t want you to hate me for your dads actions, I don’t want you to say “Mum why aren’t I allowed to see my dad?” because that question isn’t valid, If you want to see your dad then so be it we’ll go see him and you can ask him them questions yourself, I will never stop you from doing what you want, You are your own person and always will be. The choices you make is the path you take.
But that isn’t what I wanted to focus on, What I wanted to focus on saying to you is that no matter what happens just remember I love you and I tried my best. I struggled because I wanted you to have the best childhood anyone could have asked for. When my plate had nothing on it I made sure yours did, I’ve given up getting my hair & nails done, I’ve given up having a phone contract to a pay as you go just so that you can have everything!
But here’s where the promises come into everything…
I promise to be the best mum I can be, I promise to never let you forget how much you are loved especially when I’m taking you to the school gates and forcing you to give me a kiss before I let you go, I promise that I will do my best to never let anyone hurt you, I promise to listen to you when you need to talk… Even if it is about girls!
But Jake when you’re reading this hopefully on your 18th birthday then I’m sorry for making the video where you’re twerking public! (Well I’m not sorry actually, I loved every minute of it!).
Love you Jake!