And then he turned one

On Sunday 14th May 2017 my not so little boy ‘Baby Jake’ turned one.
That’s right he is no longer a baby anymore. To celebrate Jake turning one I threw a Tea party with friends and family.

The fun part started on the 13th of May 2016 which was my due date & the day I was induced! If you haven’t read my birth story then you still can Here The morning before Jake’s birthday I had to pick up the cake that someone had made for me a design of my choice! Down below is a picture of the cake I chose.

We then finished off the day at a place called tapnell farm which is here where I live so it wasn’t overly far. Jake had a great time despite him being abit moody more than likely to be teething still. After we had finished there I came home waited for jake to go to bed which wasn’t till at least 11PM. Here’s a few more pictures of what went down that evening!

And not to forget to mention the balloons!, I had to finish wrapping the rest of Jake’s presents up too, Like picking the cake up and the balloons wasn’t enough! Anyways… The day of Jake’s birthday I layed out an afternoon spread, There was sandwhiches, cakes, biscuits, chocolate and I don’t know about you but my fav bit is sausage rolls.

The planning for his first tea party as a first time mum is memorable and hectic!, Even though I tried to make it less stressful for myself with starting the plans in April it was indeed still stressful but if I hadn’t had my family to help then I don’t know what I would do.  I still cannot believe that I now have a One year old boy.


My Mental Health

DISCLAIMER: For those that read this post need to be aware that this contains topics that may be triggering.

It was January 2015 the year I got diagnosed with (BPD) Borderline personality disorder, Depression and Anxiety. For those that don’t know what BPD is it’s where I struggle with the following… 

  1. worried about people abandoning you. 
  2. Very intense emotions such as feeling happy to angry, upset within a few hours/seconds. 
  3. Don’t have a strong sense of who you 
  4. Find it hard to make and keep stable relationships. 
  5. Acting impulsively such as binge eating. 
  6. Suicidal thoughts or behaviour. 
  7. Feeling empty and alone. 

This came after so many years of keeping a secret, If you have read my post To My Younger Self. then you will know that I was sexually assaulted this came to my families attention that what I was doing E.G cutting myself because I felt like I deserved it, how I was reacting wasn’t acceptable nor like me.
It got the point where I was ordered to move back in with my parents as I tried to take my own life this was by ‘overdose’. Since then I have got help such as medical and counselling although that did not make a difference other than wound me up as I had to keep going over the assault. “As if flashbacks weren’t enough”.

Since the help from what was my mental health support worker it worked for as long as a year and after that year I came off of that website as I consider myself strong enough, as for the self harming I have managed to go three years now without having one scratch on me and I am glad that I can finally say that I am strong enough,  as for the medication I am still on now and I don’t think I will ever be able to come off of because when I do I become destructive and angry but going back to my mental health support worker she gave me a website where I could go and vent, The website is only open to those who suffer with mental health illnesses so everyone on that website is in the same position as you and honestly it felt so good to be able to write down how I felt at that time without worrying if my family would see it, friends would see it, people who think I am attention seeking.
Anyway as I was saying just because you have a mental health illness that doesn’t make you any less of a person than what you are now.

Here below is the website I mentioned earlier aswell as some other websites/contacts if you are in need of help.

If anyone else knows of any websites then feel free to post below in the comments 🙂



11 Months & 11 Days Milestone! 

So this blog is gonna be short and sweet (literally), today my little boy Jake hit a huge milestone!, At 11 Months & 11 Days old He now walks without needing help! Did I cry? Yes! But I felt so proud of him and still am proud of him, he’s becoming the perfect little boy I could ever ask for and I am so proud to be his mum. 

He still crawls from time to time as he finds that he is quicker that way but I am often finding him walking and even though he falls down he is always getting back up to try again he is so persistent on wanting to walk. So many people are always telling me that jake is so advanced for his age but I never believed it until he took his first steps, he took at least four steps before he fell! 

Below I have inserted a little clip of Jake showing off his walking skills so we can all celebrate with him! ⬇️👏🏻

Go Jake!👏🏻👦🏼

Q & A: How I Told My Parents That I Was Pregnant.

So this post is in relation to again we all know her very well by now and if you don’t then her name is Leah Prescott, She has recently done a Q&A over on her blog about how she told her family about her pregnancy and is giving advice to those who are pregnant and are scared/worried of telling their own family. I decided to be self centred as usual! And only do the Q&A based on what I done.
How to find Leah?

So now that’s out of the way lets begin… If you’re interested how I told my family about my pregnancy then keep reading!.

How did you tell your parent’s you were pregnant?
I was at my parents as i wasn’t living with them, I felt the urge to be sick so I was turned out I was pregnant but i also had a really bad bug virus.

How far along in your pregnancy was you when you told your family?
I was 6 weeks along me confirming as I calculated but then got it confirmed by the doctor and I was indeed right.

How far along in your pregnancy did you find out you was pregnant?
I was 6 weeks when I found out and did the test.

How did your family react?
My mum knew as soon as I was sick she hugged me and congratulated me, My dad on the other hand his reaction was hilarious and should have been filmed.
My mum said to my dad “Darren you’re going to be a granddad”. His reply was “F*** Off!”. (I think you can gather from that sentence that we all know what he said), But he said it all jokingly and laughing! (Just in case of those who thought that might have been abit steep).

Did you loose/gain any friends whilst pregnant?
I didn’t loose anyone nor did I gain anyone, I do rarely see my bestfriend but that’s not because of having my son that’s work related but we will always and have always remained close. I have always been a person who keeps themselves to themselves as it’s easier to not get caught up in drama etc. that should have been kept in school. (Yanno them type of situations)

What’s the best advice you received whilst pregnant?
My mum kept giving me the ‘What to eat to get rid of morning sickness’ speech which in the end wasn’t so helpful as i had sickness throughout my pregnancy but the best one was my parent’s kept telling me to take all the help I can get because I’m going to need my sleep.

Did you consider options such as abortion or adoption?
No i didn’t because Jake was a miracle (for me anyway as I had several miscarriages).
But no matter what age I wouldn’t have considered it as i don’t believe in that unless there was a more serious reason to.

Did you have names for both genders and what were they?
I did have names for both genders as i really wanted a girl but i had a boy and i have 2 names for a boy but only 1 for a girl.
girl: Darcie/Darcy
boy: Michael & Ronnie
But ended up calling my son Jake if you want to know the reason why for that then there is a whole post on that topic, Click Here to read it.

In 3 Words describe the birth of your child.
Over whelming
If you want to know more about the birth of my son Jake then click here

Did you loose your pregnancy weight? If so how?
Obviously i gained abit of weight during pregnancy because you are carrying another person but i wasn’t weighed before nor was i weighed after. There’s something called a ‘Mum tum’ that i am in the middle of trying get rid of with the right diet and yes i am loosing weight slowly but surely.

So if you were interested in this then why not like, or even leave a comment below and tell me how did you tell your family? It’s always interesting to know.
Thanks for reading! 🙂






21st April 2017. Our New Home.

So this is totally a ‘Dear Diary’ Moment. (Does anyone even still have a diary?).

The day had finally come when it was time I could look for mine and Jake’s own home.
He would have his own bedroom, a little routine, a place he can bring his friends when he is older, a place he can grow up to call home.
So after 3 dreadful viewings the time had come to view one more place and this for me was make or break as my luck, well I wasn’t feeling very lucky with all the places me and my dad had viewed. They were either too small, too grubby or just not safe for Jake. Lets just say nothing jumped out to grab me and say this is the one you will be happy in. Until Monday 13th March 2017 when I viewed a 2 bedroom house, privately let with a quiet neighbourhood not to mention its a 10 minute walk from my parents house, 1 minute walk to the shops aswell as the beach! Bonus!.
When I went into view the place with my mum, dad & Jake I took one look at the front room and thought yes I want to live here, I want to bring my child up here, So after looking at the rest of the house I took the forms to the car filled them out got my paperwork that they needed took it down to the estate agents paid the fee and then boom on Wednesday 15th March 2017 I got the phone call that I had dread waiting for because I’m prone to having nothing but bad news but nope this was good news and oh my god it felt so good to have someone say to you, You got your perfect house!. I can finally be proud of myself and what I have achieved and hope that Jake will also be proud of me too. Here’s a few pictures showing mine and Jakes new home!⬇️

Friday 21st April 2017 is the day that me and Jake finally got our happy ever after and start our journey as a family together, Just me and him.

Yes I will miss living with my family, Yes I am very grateful for all the help they have provided me since I have had Jake, But I am also scared for Jake as for him growing up to have to understand about my epilepsy as I do not wish for him to see me having a seizure, For a young kid to experience is very frightening and confusing but again we will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it. (What does that even mean?)
But overall will I miss the arguments within my parents household? No!.








My Story.

This post is my story and what’s happened to me so far. It’s going to be a long one so make sure you have coffee to stay awake!

Im writing this post because everyone keeps asking me questions such as
“Where are you from?”, “How come you moved?”, “Why that place?”.
Well my friends/readers you’re about to find out a lot more about me.

So when I was 13 years old I moved to a place called the ‘Isle of Wight’ the reason for this move is because my parents didn’t think the environment we lived in was safe to bring up three kids the place we moved from was Basildon in Essex.
Yes that’s right I’m an Essex girl and I am proud…

The reason for me not telling people where I am from and to let everyone think I am from the Isle of Wight is because of the programme called ‘TOWIE’ (The only way is Essex).
Yes I do watch it due to the fact I find it hilarious because not everyone from Essex talks like that or looks like they have been hit with an orange crayon. (Queue laughter).
Anyway… I have always despised my parents for moving to the Isle of Wight because ever since we came here I was nothing but bullied throughout school after school. When I was 16 Years old I met Boyfriend number 1 he was someone that didn’t live on the island he was from Devon and yes he was my first, In my head the person that I lost my virginity to would be the person I would be with forever we moved in together after 3 months of knowing each other I then moved to Devon with him after 6 months of being together and we even got engaged a year after being together but it all ended badly because I couldn’t/wouldn’t get a job I applied for jobs but never turned up for them as I didn’t know anyone there I found it difficult to go outside or to the shop without him this is when I knew in myself that I had terrible anxiety but didn’t want to tell anyone not even the boyfriend at the time because I felt that he would look at me differently.
Moving on after we got engaged things were good for a month or two then he decided to get a tattoo with a symbol meaning love and the date we got together this was when I felt things were becoming real and we were definitely going to be together but then one weekend  he had to go to Birmingham for a training course things felt different between me and him I stayed in that whole weekend and didn’t leave the flat, He wasn’t answering my calls nor was he answering my text’s. When he came back I asked if he still wanted to be with me he couldn’t answer me and he stormed off out, He didn’t tell me where he was, I rang his mum because I was worried out of my mind and she said that he wasn’t there and she would let me know if he did go round there but that night he never returned back to our home.
I rang my mum saying it was over between me and him because I wasn’t going to be left hanging, wondering whether he wanted to stay with me or not. The next day my mum and brother arrived, helped me grab my stuff and off we went back to the Isle of Wight.

Once I came back to the island I wasn’t here long before I moved again, When I was 18 I moved back to Essex to live with my grandparents to look for work this time, as the jobs on the island are either holiday work or you have to be in a trade.
Luckily for me my granddad works as a car park attendant behind the store of Poundland which is in Billericay so they asked my granddad if I was available for a trial and to also fill out some paperwork E.g. application forms and health forms.
I was over there for at least a year then I met boyfriend number 2 this time the guy was from the Isle of Wight so after many months of backwards and forwards he moved in with me and my grandparents this proved to be a challenge and stress on my grandparents so I asked for a transfer from my work to the Isle of Wight store and that they did.
Me and boyfriend number 2 at the time moved into our own place, Everything was fine, we even tried for a baby but sadly I miscarried and in the end that broke us because I wanted a baby however he did not. So he moved out I kept the flat and during that time I got a transfer from Newport Poundland store to Shanklin Poundland store as it was closer to where I live that is where I met Jake’s dad. But a big thanks to Jake’s dad I now longer work there due to being sacked whilst on maternity leave, Yes I took it further and Yes I won.

So there you have it and up to date of who I really am and what I have been through.

Why I love & prefer being a young mum.

Why I love and prefer being a young mum? Well… I think that the best time to have a child is in your 20’s, Once you have got all that partying out of your system ay ladies ;).
But for me it wasn’t about the partying I wasn’t the type and I still don’t go out partying now so having a child at 21 was perfect as Jake keeps me busy. I didn’t have many friends before Jake I am a ‘lone wolf’ as they say so I just prefer to keep myself to myself.
Anyway enough of the chit chat I love being a young mum because I can do things for and with Jake without worrying about breaking my back or putting a hip out. Now I must express myself that I am not against older mum’s or teen mums its what the mother in you prefers after all everyone is different and likes different things… Any mum or mother to be whether younger or older is amazing in my eyes because carrying a child is such a special occasion and every woman should get to experience it but unfortunately the world is so cruel to those who cant, I always say to people I wouldn’t want to go through the pregnancy again etc. as I had it so rough with Jake but if I was given a chance to be someone’s surrogate as they really wanted a child then I would be more than happy to do so if a woman cant carry then they should at least be able to mother a child.

Again back to what I was saying (So easily distracted! woops).
Oh yes here are 5 things I like about being a young mum!

  1. You have a lot of energy so things like taking your child to the park, Once they start walking and learning how to get around you’re quick on your toes.
  2. When you’re a lot older you don’t need to worry about the what if you can/cant have kids because you have already had your child/children so you can carry on without wondering.
  3. People reminding you how young you are, That’s the best bit and also will feel good when you’re in your thirties.
  4.  Your children will have more memories and time of their grandparents
  5. You have much longer to enjoy motherhood.

So they’re my 5 things I like about being a young mum what are yours? Or if you’re an older mother then why not comment below and tell us what you like about being a older mum!.

Again I really hope nobody takes any offense to this as that wasn’t my intentions, It’s just really interesting to know different opinions on whether being a young mum or older mum is better and why.
– Becca”