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My Story.

This post is my story and what’s happened to me so far. It’s going to be a long one so make sure you have coffee to stay awake!

Im writing this post because everyone keeps asking me questions such as
“Where are you from?”, “How come you moved?”, “Why that place?”.
Well my friends/readers you’re about to find out a lot more about me.

So when I was 13 years old I moved to a place called the ‘Isle of Wight’ the reason for this move is because my parents didn’t think the environment we lived in was safe to bring up three kids the place we moved from was Basildon in Essex.
Yes that’s right I’m an Essex girl and I am proud…

The reason for me not telling people where I am from and to let everyone think I am from the Isle of Wight is because of the programme called ‘TOWIE’ (The only way is Essex).
Yes I do watch it due to the fact I find it hilarious because not everyone from Essex talks like that or looks like they have been hit with an orange crayon. (Queue laughter).
Anyway… I have always despised my parents for moving to the Isle of Wight because ever since we came here I was nothing but bullied throughout school after school. When I was 16 Years old I met Boyfriend number 1 he was someone that didn’t live on the island he was from Devon and yes he was my first, In my head the person that I lost my virginity to would be the person I would be with forever we moved in together after 3 months of knowing each other I then moved to Devon with him after 6 months of being together and we even got engaged a year after being together but it all ended badly because I couldn’t/wouldn’t get a job I applied for jobs but never turned up for them as I didn’t know anyone there I found it difficult to go outside or to the shop without him this is when I knew in myself that I had terrible anxiety but didn’t want to tell anyone not even the boyfriend at the time because I felt that he would look at me differently.
Moving on after we got engaged things were good for a month or two then he decided to get a tattoo with a symbol meaning love and the date we got together this was when I felt things were becoming real and we were definitely going to be together but then one weekend  he had to go to Birmingham for a training course things felt different between me and him I stayed in that whole weekend and didn’t leave the flat, He wasn’t answering my calls nor was he answering my text’s. When he came back I asked if he still wanted to be with me he couldn’t answer me and he stormed off out, He didn’t tell me where he was, I rang his mum because I was worried out of my mind and she said that he wasn’t there and she would let me know if he did go round there but that night he never returned back to our home.
I rang my mum saying it was over between me and him because I wasn’t going to be left hanging, wondering whether he wanted to stay with me or not. The next day my mum and brother arrived, helped me grab my stuff and off we went back to the Isle of Wight.

Once I came back to the island I wasn’t here long before I moved again, When I was 18 I moved back to Essex to live with my grandparents to look for work this time, as the jobs on the island are either holiday work or you have to be in a trade.
Luckily for me my granddad works as a car park attendant behind the store of Poundland which is in Billericay so they asked my granddad if I was available for a trial and to also fill out some paperwork E.g. application forms and health forms.
I was over there for at least a year then I met boyfriend number 2 this time the guy was from the Isle of Wight so after many months of backwards and forwards he moved in with me and my grandparents this proved to be a challenge and stress on my grandparents so I asked for a transfer from my work to the Isle of Wight store and that they did.
Me and boyfriend number 2 at the time moved into our own place, Everything was fine, we even tried for a baby but sadly I miscarried and in the end that broke us because I wanted a baby however he did not. So he moved out I kept the flat and during that time I got a transfer from Newport Poundland store to Shanklin Poundland store as it was closer to where I live that is where I met Jake’s dad. But a big thanks to Jake’s dad I now longer work there due to being sacked whilst on maternity leave, Yes I took it further and Yes I won.

So there you have it and up to date of who I really am and what I have been through.

Why I love & prefer being a young mum.

Why I love and prefer being a young mum? Well… I think that the best time to have a child is in your 20’s, Once you have got all that partying out of your system ay ladies ;).
But for me it wasn’t about the partying I wasn’t the type and I still don’t go out partying now so having a child at 21 was perfect as Jake keeps me busy. I didn’t have many friends before Jake I am a ‘lone wolf’ as they say so I just prefer to keep myself to myself.
Anyway enough of the chit chat I love being a young mum because I can do things for and with Jake without worrying about breaking my back or putting a hip out. Now I must express myself that I am not against older mum’s or teen mums its what the mother in you prefers after all everyone is different and likes different things… Any mum or mother to be whether younger or older is amazing in my eyes because carrying a child is such a special occasion and every woman should get to experience it but unfortunately the world is so cruel to those who cant, I always say to people I wouldn’t want to go through the pregnancy again etc. as I had it so rough with Jake but if I was given a chance to be someone’s surrogate as they really wanted a child then I would be more than happy to do so if a woman cant carry then they should at least be able to mother a child.

Again back to what I was saying (So easily distracted! woops).
Oh yes here are 5 things I like about being a young mum!

  1. You have a lot of energy so things like taking your child to the park, Once they start walking and learning how to get around you’re quick on your toes.
  2. When you’re a lot older you don’t need to worry about the what if you can/cant have kids because you have already had your child/children so you can carry on without wondering.
  3. People reminding you how young you are, That’s the best bit and also will feel good when you’re in your thirties.
  4.  Your children will have more memories and time of their grandparents
  5. You have much longer to enjoy motherhood.

So they’re my 5 things I like about being a young mum what are yours? Or if you’re an older mother then why not comment below and tell us what you like about being a older mum!.

Again I really hope nobody takes any offense to this as that wasn’t my intentions, It’s just really interesting to know different opinions on whether being a young mum or older mum is better and why.
– Becca”

To My Younger Self.

TRIGGER WARNING!: this post contains explicit detail. 

This isn’t really a parenting post but lets have a break from that for a week.
So I have seen a lot of people doing this ‘Dear My Younger Self’ posts so I thought I would give it ago, think long and hard about what I would say to my younger self…
Keep reading if you want to know what I would have said.⬇️

So ever since I was 7 years old I have had a tough time not just with my epilepsy and my now mental health but with childhood in general I thought my childhood days were difficult… However I never knew what difficult was until I turned 14.
So this is my first time telling the world what went on when I was younger… ever since I was in school I was never popular I was the kid that always ate lunch by herself (Sad I know) but this kept going on till I left high school and was also bullied such as I had yoghurt thrown at me aswell as a milkshake. I was always insecure about myself and it has seemed to have got worse now seeing as I have had a child, I have what’s called ‘The mum tum’ to which I’m in the process of working on my weight etc. anyway…
So I’m 14 years old it’s my 14th birthday I have a few friends round film night it is…
I wish it turned out like that.
One of the people I invited over was my sort of boyfriend but wasn’t (If that even makes sense) basically I don’t class it as a boyfriend as I was so young, Anyway the film we all decided to watch was ‘stardust’ there wasn’t enough seats in the living room so the guy I was seeing invited me over to sit on his lap to which I did I didn’t see any harm in it.
He had other ideas, I was getting sleepy but tried to fight it, I had a belt on so I didn’t think anything of it, I trusted him… He tried numerous amount of times to undo my belt to which I kept doing it back up and I told him no!.. He said okay and I thought that was the end I wont go into to much detail but if you cant tell already then yes I was sexually assaulted in my sleep.
I remember waking up mid way I asked him what he was doing there was no reply I was too scared to move as everyone else was asleep in the living room and I didn’t want to wake everyone up most of all get the guy into trouble.
The next day on his lap afraid to move during the night but as soon as everyone came downstairs such as my mum and dad I went upstairs to bed, I shut my bedroom door of course my mum came in I said I was feeling sick so was just going to sleep. So she went downstairs but then the horrid moment where I just wanted to be left I just wanted him to leave he came up to me and said “I’m going now”. My reply was “Okay talk to you later.” That I did not. Yes I heard from him again but the days got longer and the replies got less.
  Yes this was the reason my mental health was triggered and why I haven’t got better since.

What 5 points would I say to my younger self?

  1. It wasn’t your fault, you did nothing wrong. Speak up tell people about what happened, Tell the police.
  2. Just because you’re by yourself doesn’t mean you aren’t loved, Them people at your school of course they don’t care but they’re not the ones who matter and mean something to you, You will never see them people again once you leave.
  3. Not only that never let anyone treat you with disrespect because you are still a human being and so is the person disrespecting you.
  4. When someone kicks you down get back up again because showing them you’re strong and happy will kill them inside.
  5. Just enjoy the childhood you have and make the most of it because its not much better being grown up and having bills to pay!.

 

What would you say to your younger self?

 

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All about your first born [Tag]

I have seen a lot of people do this sort of questionnaire on Facebook and also a few blogs to which it has been a popular request, The last blog I saw it on was a lovely girl called Leah Prescott so why not join in on the fun and keep a chain going by mentioning the name of the last blog you saw it on.
If you want to see more of Leah then here is where to find her.⬇️
Twitter: @LeahhPrescott
Blog: theprescottfamilyblog.com 

Was your first pregnancy planned?
Nope.

Were you married?
Nope.

What was your reaction?
Was mixed, Was really happy but didn’t believe it till the first scan as I found out at 6 weeks due to the lovely morning sickness.

Were you induced?
Yes as they said Jake was small in weight and wasn’t really progressing as much as he should be.

How old were you?
21.

How did you find out?
I was on the pill but I was being very sick aswell as feeling it everyday so grabbed a clear blue digital test then had the doctor confirm it.

Did you want to find out the sex?
Yes I did but Jake’s dad at the time didn’t really want to know but I changed his mind anyway, Jake’s dad couldn’t come to the appointment due to working so I surprised him with a boy’s top saying ‘Daddy’s Little Man’. Down below is a scan photo of Jake when he was 6 weeks old.⬇️


Due date?
Friday 13th May 2016.

Did you deliver early or late?
One day late as I was induced on my due date and Jake was born Saturday 14th May 2016.
baby-jake

Did you have morning sickness?
Yes I did the whole way through my pregnancy even whilst I was giving birth.

What did you crave?
For me it would be different types of foods like every week or so. But I enjoyed cereal weetos and ate pineapple throughout my pregnancy aswell as drank pineapple juice.

How many kilos did you gain from your pregnancy?
I never got weighed before or after so here is a picture before I was pregnant during my pregnancy and a day after I gave birth to Jake.
– Top left is before pregnancy
– bottom left is after
– the right is during my pregnancy I was 35 Weeks & 6 Days gone.

09abd02a-791d-4a48-a63d-ed6e1df22597

What was the sex of your baby?
A Boy
boy-cake

Did you have any complications during labour?
I had a failed vacuum cup I then had to have forceps aswell as be cut and then stitched back up.

Where did you give birth?
Isle of Wight.

How many hours were you in labour?
Over 10 Hours and pushed for 1.

How much did your baby weigh?
6 Pound 14oz.

What did you name her/him?
Jake Darren Skinner.

How old is your newborn today?
10 Months & 9 Days.

What colour eyes does your newborn have?
Blue.

 

So that was the ‘All about your first born’ tag. Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing! 🙂

 

A Mother with a hidden disability 

Since I was 7 Years old I have had a hidden disability this is epilepsy, I didn’t have a normal childhood I grew up constantly in and out of hospital for brainscans which the correct term is ‘Electroencephalogram’ also known as ‘EEG’. An ‘EEG’ is most commonly known for tracing activity of the brain for a seizure. They have a 1 Hour recording, 24 Hour or 1 Week. I have had all three! I know right, lucky me.” 

Epilepsy runs throughout my family but on my mothers side, my nan which is my mum’s mum suffers with epilepsy and so does my nan’s sisters. From the age of 7, after I had the numerous amounts of ‘EEG’ (Brain scans as I like to call them) they found out that I had ‘Petit mal’ which is another form of epilepsy but it wasn’t the kind of fitting or seizures. Petit mal is the sort of epilepsy where you just have a blank spell some people refer them to ‘daydreams’, Yes they are kind of like a daydream but it’s more serious as you have no control over what you are doing at that time. You can stop anywhere like me when I was 7 years old I had stopped in the middle of the road and nearly got hit by a car… yes my mum was with me and yes she saved me whilst being 8 months pregnant with my sister. My mum or my sister was not harmed either thank god! When I was 13 years old the neurologist said that I can out grow epilepsy little did we all know that yes I did out grow petit mal but not the epilepsy like they said had gone never did instead I was just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
For instance I was waiting for a seizure to happen to realise that I still had epilepsy and when that day had come I went back to the doctor which then referred me to the hospital to see the neurologists and because they didn’t believe me I had to under go plenty more ‘EEG’ to prove that I still did have epilepsy this went on for years but the recent ‘EEG’ I had was in November 2016 and that was the ‘EEG’ that proved I still had epilepsy and I am now on medication.

When I fell pregnant with Jake I had no idea what to do I had to come off of all medications including my mental health but when it came to 8 months down the line of my pregnancy I became anxious and sick so I made a doctors appointment and they put me back on all of my medications including my epilepsy. The doctor said the reason why I had to come off of all meds is because it can interfere with the development of the baby so I was in a catch 22 position because even being off of my meds I could have had a fit and the baby could have died either way. I did have a fit whilst I was pregnant with Jake but it was mild and once it had happened I went straight to the hospital to get checked over but most of all to check and see if there was a heartbeat that was the most daunting experience of my life.
The day finally came around of doing my birth plan with my midwife and she said…
Due to the stress levels and pain whilst in labour they told me that I had to have an epidural which I was fine with because I wanted that either way but they had to prepare me for the worse because if my waters broke naturally then there might not have been enough time for the epidural therefore I could have fitted whilst in labour and there could have been complications but thankfully everything went smoother than I had thought, I had to be induced due to Jake being a small baby which is also common in mothers that suffer with epilepsy… If you want to read my birth story then here it is⬇️
The untold dreaded birth story! 14Th May 2016. 

Writing this post for me is difficult for myself but im sure there is someone out there that has it much worse than me. But now is just a waiting game to see if Jake will grow up having epilepsy but I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes to it!.

If you have epilepsy yourself or know someone that has and have a story to tell then why not leave your story in the comments below! 🙂

Friday 3rd March 2017. 9 Month & 17 Days Old.

So the day we have all been waiting for!, The milestones of all milestones. The day your first baby takes their first steps!.  Yes that’s right, Jake has taken his first steps.
I have always dreaded this day as I didn’t know what I would think about it nor feel about it. Well now I know how it feels…Its emotional but very exciting. But as I saw him let go of the sides of his cot I really didn’t think that he was going to take them first steps especially in his cot of all places!, “What a time to choose Jake!”.
I knew it was going to be soon as he was showing all the signs of being confident, Such as the way he was walking holding onto things like the table, the sofa, his table toys and just moving from one to the other, But I genuinely did not think that it was going to be anytime soon, I thought I had abit more time left. If I could describe Jake then it would be very confident because when it comes to letting go of the table etc. One minute you will be looking at him and he’s holding on to the table and then next he has let go, Sometimes he would even become very cocky and would let go for more than 3 seconds but he would always fall onto his bum then look at me in a strange way as if to say what happened.

As I wasn’t ready for the biggest milestone of them all I was never able to get any pictures nor videos of him walking but I’m hoping he will try to walk again and this time I’m going to be ready for it! So Jake you better get walking boy because mumma needs that photo for the album!.

But as the month has gone on his speech has become more clearer too, for example he can say ‘da da’ but the most word he says is ‘mama’ such as if he doesn’t get his own way with watching baby tv and If I turn it over he knows how to express himself by shouting ‘mama’. The other day his auntie charlie, my sister asked Jake for a kiss and Jake said yeah.
I cant say enough of how proud I am to be Jake’s mum not only that of how far Jake has come and he isn’t 10 months old yet so if someone isn’t sure whether to become a mum or if they’re not ready for it then just do it because otherwise you will never be ready but being a mum is the most rewarding thing I have ever been proud enough to say Yes he is my son.”

 

4

The Meaning Behind My Son’s Name.

For most of you that don’t know my son is called ‘Jake Darren Skinner’. For people that read my blogs would have already knew that.

So the meaning behind my son’s name is a funny story well I think it is…
There were two names before ‘Jake’ that I wanted but when I was with Jake’s dad at the time he didn’t like either of the names. The names were ‘Michael’ & ‘Ronnie’.
Having the name Michael I liked the idea of having the nickname ‘Mikey’ not only that it would have meant something, A tradition if you like within the family as the name ‘Michael’ comes from my dad’s granddad not only to mention I loved the name ‘Michael’ because of my love and obsession with ‘Michael Buble’, But Jake’s dad didn’t like that name so that was taken off of the list. The name ‘Ronnie’ I just loved because of the actor ‘Tom Hardy’ played both ‘Kray’ brothers in the film ‘Legend’, But again Jake’s dad didn’t like that name either.

And then one day me and my son’s dad was listening to old songs on youtube like kids songs that we would have to live and put up with as parents for example ‘Bob the builder’, ‘The teletubbies’ and ‘peppa pig’. (Thankfully Jake isn’t a fan of peppa pig just yet).
But then we came across ‘The tweenies’ and ever since we saw and remembered the names of ‘the tweenies’ we both managed to decide on the name ‘Jake’. Yes as in ‘Jake’ from ‘The Tweenies’.

In case you don’t know who Jake is from the Tweenies he’s below!😂⬇️

So The Name Chosen from when our son was born was ‘Jake Darren Kevin Alan Wall’.

  • Darren – My Dad’s Name.
  • Kevin – Jake’s dad’s, Dad name.
  • Alan – Jake’s dad’s Granddad name, which would be Jake’s great granddad.
  • Wall – Jake’s dad’s Surname.
    But When Jake’s Dad left us when Jake was 4 months old I decided to change Jake’s name to ‘Jake Darren Skinner’. It’s a tradition of my family to have the child grandparents names involved but due circumstances Jake will only have my dad’s name and has my surname.

So that’s the long story behind my son’s name, If you’re interested in why I changed my sons name then the post is The dreaded Ex.